February 2012
31 posts
The most nostalgic three days of my entire life. I feel drained. Memories drain me like a vampire biting my neck. I am drained.
I want to disappear completely.
Just fade away.
It’s like the place I met Skandoe. I hope I never go there again. It’s my sacred place when it comes to him, where I met him and where I can say “everything begun” he changed my life as a whole, and it really matters to me..
I don’t wanna lose that place.
The only thing I never thought would change, over these two years, changed. Like I changed, like my life changed, like our relationship changed, like everything changes in life. But a place is the kind of thing you think it’s going to remain the same. And it didn’t. This was sort of a sacred place for me, a place I thought I would never lose, a place I never thought I’d be at...
“I keep trying and trying to wrap my head around it, crying so, can let nobody see how I’m acting. You hurt me, you hurt me, and no, not physically, ain’t got no bumps and bruises to show people what you’re doing to me..”
1 tag
Normal song: “I hope you slip and fall and trip all over my heart, and just lay there alone, yeah you got what you wanted. On your hands and knees, grasping for air, grasping for me. Baby don’t hold your breath, I’ve moved on to the next one.”
In my head when I sing like I mean it: “I HOPE YOU SLIP AND FAAAALL AND TRIP ALL OVER MY HEART AND JUST LAY THERE ALONE,...
I am seriously biting my tongue to provide myself from breaking down. I hate this place and I’m in a fragile state at this point of my life. I am breaking down.
“Everything I loved became everything I lost.”
Oh my god, this is Eleven’s voice! Like, HIS voice! It’s making me very uncomfortable. Especially when he does this slow voice thing, and then it’s like, Eleven entirely, it makes me all bothered.
Ugh. This is horrible.
*Harry Styles voice* Peniss jokesssss! My favorite.
But not. Not my favorite.
I think Liam is my spirit animal. I am Liam, Liam is me.
LOL
Oh my god this dude’s voice is JUST like Eleven’s. It’s making me so nervous! I am getting, just.. I don’t know, it’s just ugh. It’s almost making me.. miss him! Uuuuughhhhhhhhhhh noooooooo
“Just keep following the heartlines on your hands.. Keep it up, I know you can! Just keep following the heartlines on your hands..”
“Have you ever walked into a situation where you know exactly was was going to happen? And then you go into it anyway.. And then when what you’re afraid of happens, you kick yourself because you should’ve known better. But that’s just who you are, so you keep punishing yourself.”
Once Upon A Time.
“I know it sounds crazy, but you’re the only thing in this place that feels.. that feels right.”
(Once Upon A Time, Prince to Snow.)
“O “homem secreto” da cerveja Devassa é o Hef, aquele velho da playboy, né?”
I’d like you to be a little bit more respectful to my future boss, is that possible? Thanks.
LOL
Who needs dead people when you just made contact with a super cute guy from California?!
Uhhh, let me answer that for you..
NOT THIS BITCH!
HA!
TAKE THAT YOU FUCKER!
“Você tá sempre indo e vindo, tudo bem, dessa vez eu já vesti minha armadura. E mesmo que nada funcione, eu estarei de pé, de queixo erguido.”
Why did I even reply to that in the first place? I am the stupid person, because I am asking for it. Asking. Practically begging. I could’ve (and should’ve) just laughed and ignored, but noooooo, my hearts acts faster than my conscience. And I fuck up things myself for myself. I am great, just.. great. I should get an award for that, seriously. “Stupidest Girl In History”....
I’m going to roll around in bed all night, and have nightmares about it when I finally fall asleep, and wake up feeling like my heart was cut in half. Again. All over again. He is just bringing pain back, why is that?! It’s like bringing a dead person to life just for the thrill of killing it again.
“Não tem que ser assim, tanto desencontro, mágoa e dor. Pra que que a gente tem que se arriscar?”
“You took my heart off of my sleeve, and now I’m taking it back, baby here I come.. You took advantage of me, and I don’t appreciate that, you son of a gun..
It’s so cold with nobody to hold me, you’re so wrong for leaving when you told me you would never leave me by myself, out in the middle of nowhere. Now I’m lost, trying to make it all on my own, I thought...
It’s very unusual to me to feel out of place in a club, but.. here I am. Hello, 2008..
“Blew out my birthday candles, wish that you were dead.”
I am seriously under lots of self-control, to resist the urge to answer that text with “because I am going to marry Zayn Malik and have beautiful babies NOW CRY ME A RIVER, BITCH”
I won’t do that, but I wanted to much, oh god.
“It’s out of my hands since you blew your last chance when you played me.”
Alright then. You regret it and then you don’t, you want it and then you don’t. I don’t understand this and I won’t even try anymore. It was a mistake thinking you could get it right once.
It was a huge mistake.
That’s all.
Right now I feel like I am.. humiliating myself.
But I think that is just how it goes, when you want something you have to fight for it, and especially when it comes to love, you have to be humble and to admit to yourself and to everyone else that you are willing to redeem yourself for the mistakes made in the past. Or to forgive.
At least I am trying, I swear I am trying. If I don’t go...
Of course it will make a difference knowing that if he regrets breaking up with me or not. Because if he does regret it, that means he probably is willing to try again. And if he is, I am.
I would do anything to try again.
I don’t care, it doesn’t matter how many cute guys I meet around town. No one is ever going to mean as much as he did to me.
I want him back more than...
Meu karma com Mackenzistas na balada will NEVER end! Hahahahah eveeerrrrr! Hahahahahah
It made my whole day. My whole entire day. And the knot in my throat is already formed and here to stay.
He texted me. I think I am going to pass out. I wish this was a routine again.
God save me.
“I told you when you asked, I knew this wouldn’t last, at least I could be honest about that..”
I knew, and I told him, this wouldn’t last until my birthday. It turned out to not even last until Christmas. I should earn money for being such a psychic.
January 2012
19 posts
I don’t really know what exactly I miss: him in special or just having someone. Either way, I miss it. A whole freaking goddamn lot.
I am confused, but for stupid reasons. Both B2 and Crayon are being so sweet to me these days, that I don’t even know which one is the best. Truth is: if I could, I’d have both right now. Not like, at literally the same time, but.. I wouldn’t be able to choose.
That’s stupid though.
I miss having someone to miss me. Someone to look forward to come back home to.
I’ve been trying to hide and not think about it all the time, but truth is, I miss him like hell.
Nothing I have ever done ever since he left was enough to take my heart out of this. It took my head, but not my heart. Not at all.
I may deny it, but what I just really want is someone to come and sweep me off...
I hate you. Come talk to me next time. Please. Come talk to me next time. You’re a jerk, I hate drunk people who don’t know what they’re doing, they’re all a bunch of jerks. Ugh. Die.
Oh come the fuck on! Come talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I am freaking out I can’t
I just now came to the conclusion that Cute was the only person who made me feel more comfortable being with than being alone. He was the only, the only person who I really missed right when he was gone. The only.
I cannot deal with that anymore.
I hate Red Hot Chili Peppers. I seriously do. It just reminds me of way too much. I hope it dies.
It bugs me that I already know more than her. But that is just how life goes, I can bet she knows things I’d give an arm to get the knowledge. Oh well.
Eleven could be here. Eleven should be here.
I miss having someone to drunk text.
Is he stupid or what? He is talking about travelling with girls while walking by one of his ex-girlfriend’s best friends. I think he has shit for brains because, seriously. No one is that moronic.
Eu acho que fodeu.
Darling let me tell ya one thing: you absolutely DO NOT smile mischeviously like that to someone who’s give the biggest parts of her weave to make out with you. YOU DO NOT!
I found out silence is quite comforting sometimes, just not when is shared. Alone, in my room, in the dark, with the dawn breaking on the other side of my window, it brings peace. Because then, and only then, I know I am safe inside myself, with no one to judge me.
I am learning everyday how to deal with opposites. How to live in the day and how to live in the night. Loving the dark and loving...
I do not remember anything about his face. The only thing I vcan say is: I’ve reached twenty and he has the same name as Nick Jonas.
Oh fuck.
My biggest problem when I am drunk is that I talk way too much, and that’s bad. It’s quite enjoyable, though.
It was there again. How would I ever imagine it would hit me in that specific day and place? I figured it to be practically impossible, but it did. The silence was trying to kill me again.
I should have known, though. I am always the last one to leave, so I am always the only who sees the music, the people, the laughter, the voices and the party being swallowed into the darkness and silence of...
I just came to the conclusion that I think I have a crush. Then I thought twice about it and came to the conclusion that it’s so disastrous that is more like a car crash than a crush.
I am screwed.
All reason aside, I just can’t deny, love the guy..